End of the World As We Know It?

According to the Mayan calendar, the world is supposed to end on my husband's 41st birthday. He says with his luck, he'll finally buy a lottery ticket, scratch off the numbers, win the big jackpot and BOOM! (Got screwed again, hon, is what he says). Although the hype seems to have died down, no pun intended, It still kind of haunts me. Usually when I'm daydreaming in the car on the way to work.

Personally, I'm going to side with the people who believe that OUR calendar isn't accurate in the first place, that the actual end of the world is thousands of years after that fateful day in December. I side with them for a couple of reasons, one being that my own belief is that God would not let mere mortals know when Armageddon is approaching. I mean, what would be the point? Everyone would live the way they wanted to right up to, umm, I don't know, 6 weeks prior? And then I suppose they would nearly all repent and be saved. Done deal.

The second reason is every movie I have seen that deals with this subject tends to approach it in almost the same way. I can tell you right now, I don't have the survival techniques. I'm kind of rooting that if it's a ton of asteroids that hit the earth, the first, biggest most fiery one falls right on my house. Then it would all be over. Morbid, right? But look at the the flip side, I really don't see myself being able to maneuver a mobile home a hundred miles an hour while meteors create fireballs inches away from the bumper and I'm dodging large cracks that open out of nowhere in the middle of the road.

2012

I'm definitely not in any kind of physical shape to outrun some sort of indestructible robot, let alone heave anything substantial above my head to crush the circuitry in it's main motherboard (or whatever it's called.) I'd be panting, holding the stitch in my side after running a WHOLE BLOCK, and WHAMMO, smashed by something that runs on a motor. Dead.

Terminator - I'll be back

I can't stand winter, so any type of nuclear blast that would block the sun would be intolerable. Not only because of the cold, but because of the total lack of any decent take-out.

Day After Tomorrow - Brrr

Disease spreading monkeys? With my constant exposure to the germs the kids bring home from daycare, my immune system would probably survive the first wave of that. But I'm telling you right now, someone would have to bury the bodies of those who didn't survive, and it not going to me!

12 Monkeys

I certainly can't imagine surviving alone. No way. Who would listen to me bitch and complain about the heat, dirt, lack of water...

Book of Eli

Any time I picture this scenario, my family would survive as well. But that brings up several issues. It would not be possible to load up a back pack with water bottles and canned goods to start trekking to the nearest hub of civilization. We'd maybe get 2 blocks and Little Man would start whining that his legs hurt. There I would be trying to balance 35 lbs of kid on my hip and 80 lbs of gear on my back with a rope tied around my waist attached to the wagon with a broken wheel carrying all of our bedding and changes of underwear. Shawn wouldn't be able to carry him, because he will somehow deem it necessary to bring along his fish sonar (or something similar that he would be convinced we would need at some point!)

I've never been hunting and always end up apologizing to the worm when we go fishing. Let's say I discover my hidden talent for hunting birds, squirrels and other small furry animals and am able to bag fifty for supper. And let's say, I actually could keep the content of my stomach IN my stomach while skinning them to cook. My kids would still say, "What?! Squirrel again! Why can't we ever have anything good to eat?"

From our camping adventures, I'm pretty sure I could at least get a fire going. Staying awake to keep the wild animals at bay, that may be another story. I could see us all huddled in complete darkness, except for the orange glow of the fire. I'd have a shelter made (and swept, I'm sure) with sleeping bags laid out to keep us warm. Big K would turn to me, "Mom, I'm bored. What can we do?" It would take us 3 months longer than expected to get where we thought we were going because my sense of direction sucks, and we are without GPS when the cellphones died.

Of course, we'd probably run into other survivors, but I'd be embarrassed to join up with them because I hadn't done a thing with my hair and my kids' shirts are filthy.

But seriously, the world won't end on December 21, 2012, will it? Probably not, but I'm going to throw hubby one hell of a birthday party...on the 20th.

Sleep Over...Over

I knew this time would come. Another small stepping stone in Big K's life. He received his first invitation to a SLEEPOVER! I looked at the invite penciled in shaky grade-school letters and felt a mixture of feelings; A little sad, because it meant that Kaiden was close to entering the time in his life where he would want to be with his friends more than his family. I felt a bit nervous because I had never met this boy's parents and really had no idea what type of people they were. But I also felt a bit of excitement, just because it was so incredibly obvious that Kaiden was excited about going. I think it was in the way he thew his coat on the floor, tore his backpack open, and waved the envelope in the air before he shredded it to get the invite out. Just guessin'.

The invite said, "Kaiden, you got invited to a sleepover." Kind of like he had won a prize or something. Well maybe he did by the way he was acting. The invitation did not contain an address, so I looked up the boy's name on the "friendship" list from school and called his mother. She spoke with an accent, but I couldn't place the nationality...I was thinking maybe from India? Or a middle eastern country? (Geography is not my strong point). The friendship list doesn't contain last names, so I couldn't try to pin it down, not that it mattered. It sounded like it would be 4 boys and it was the child's 7th birthday.

You have to know this about Big K before I continue, he's pretty shy, and lacks self-confidence. He's the kid who hangs back in a crowd, and lets people run over him. He gets embarrassed easily and can be incredibly over-sensitive. He's absolutely a sweet kid, well-mannered, but just doesn't speak up or ask for help. He also still has"Blankie." This could be an issue. He doesn't carry it everywhere, but if he has it in the car on the way to the bus stop, it will come flying over my shoulder about a block from the stop, with him yelling, "Hide it! Hide it!"

We had tried this sleeping over thing before with his Uncle (Shawn's brother), but we got the call at about 1 in the morning, that Kaiden wanted to come home. It wasn't a planned sleep over, Kaiden was just having fun and his Uncle loves being with him, so asked him to stay. Kaiden's excuse that time was because the only pajamas his Uncle had for him was an over-sized white T-shirt and he wasn't comfortable. That was over a year ago.

Anyway, I sent Shawn to buy the gift (the man has an uncanny knack for picking the perfect present), I wrapped it (HA! I don't wrap, I put it in a bag and throw tissue paper over it), and pack his bag the night before. I let Big K pick out his PJ's and the clothes for the following day, thinking any nervousness he had would be lessened if I let him participate in the packing and let him choose what he would be most comfortable in.

I have to tell you what was going on in my head. The thing that worried me the most was the bathroom situation. I know, weird, right? But I kept thinking, what if he has to go in the middle of the night, and he isn't able to find his way? (We keep a light on so the kids can find their way in the dark).  Would he wake someone up? What if he didn't, and peed his pants? Do kids that age make fun of other kids for that? What if it wasn't the middle of the night and he had to go #2? There have been many days where after 15 minutes I'll knock on our bathroom door, "Everything okay in there?" He'll sit so long, he has a red ring on the back of his thighs and buttocks from sitting on the toilet. This may not be common in other families and may cause unnecessary worry.

Okay, enough already! It was time to back off and give the kid a chance. So I straightened my shoulders, grabbed the gift bag, overnight bag (sans blankie, he insisted), and pillow. I marched up to the door and turned around to see Kaiden still 3 ft behind me. "Come on," I encouraged, "It's going to be fun." He smiled and rang the bell.

Even after meeting the mom, I still couldn't tell you where she was from. But she was incredibly nice. So I gave Kaiden a quick hug (I didn't want him to feel any worry-vibes coming from me), and told him I'd see him tomorrow.

Little Man had fallen asleep very early. Which meant one thing, I had time to be alone with my husband! I got home and said, "Well, hon, you ready?" And he replied, "It's about time." And we...(boom chick-a bow bow) pulled out his business receipts and proceeded to get things ready for the tax people. (Yeah, I know what you all are thinking. In a perfect world. But no, Friday night and I'm going through tax stuff?! I live an exciting and dangerous life. Insert sarcasm here.)

I was still looking for anything tax related in all the slips of paper we accumulate, when the phone rang. I looked at the clock...10:30. Uh-oh.

So I found my way back to the boy's house. Kaiden was waiting at the door. The lady tried to offer every explanation about why he may have wanted to come home. I felt bad for her, because it wasn't like she had done anything wrong. So I thanked her, and suggested that maybe birthday boy could come visit us sometime? I strapped K into the car seat and then situated myself in the front seat.

"Everything go okay?"

"The party was a wreck, mom."

"Oh? What happened?"

He proceeded to tell me that he was the only one who showed up. That the gift dad bought was way too good because once the boy opened it, he stopped playing with Kaiden.

"And she didn't speak English, mom. She tried really hard, but she just wasn't good at it." (Please understand that this is North Dakota, and there isn't a whole lot of exposure to cultural diversity up here. Blond hair, blue eyes, and pale skin make up about 80% of the population.)

"...and...and I missed my family."

Mental sigh of relief. Maybe we're not quite to that stepping stone yet. Maybe he can be my sweet little boy for just awhile longer.

"Aww honey. That's sweet. I really didn't like sleep overs until I was about 8 or so, and when you have a lot more people there, it's a lot more fun. You play games, and if someone doesn't want to play, you can always play with someone else there. We missed you too, but I'm sure in a couple of years, you'll really want to go and you'll have a good time..." I glanced in the rear view mirror.

He was fast asleep.

Hand Me My Cape

It was one of those days today. I just have to share it, because honestly, I didn't think I was going to make it. Really. Because yesterday wasn't as bad but yesterday I felt like I was going to have a panic/anxiety attack/stroke/heart attack and today was worse. Since I don't know what any of these feel like, I can't tell you which it is.

At 5:30 this morning, the weatherman informed me that the temperature was -22º below zero...without windchill. Factor in the windchill, -35º. Yipee. Did you know that at -40º,  exposed skin will freeze in 5 minutes? Just so you know.

Got the boys up and out the door, we were making good time.  It was going to be close, but we were going to catch the bus, even if it meant cutting him off at the intersection (which I've been known to do)... until we reached the railroad crossing. With a train. Which after waiting two minutes, decided to back up...stop...and go forward again. As a side note: trains should not be able to run across major intersections between the hours of 7AM - 8AM and 4 - 6PM. Just a thought. People would be happier.

Dropped Little Man off at daycare, drove the other one to school. At the school parking lot, faked the door being stuck and forced-hugged him in front of his friends. (My revenge for him being slow and making us late this morning -- hee hee).

Got to work and was informed that deadline was pushed up by 4 hours so the boss can pick up his kid. I am a Graphic Designer/Art Director, this squashes any iota of creativity. Not to mention that this was a bit of a surprise to our sales reps who decided to respond with stubborn resistance. (more to come on this). I also freelance on the side as a designer for my own business called Aardvark Graphix (shameless plug), and wish I could freelance full-time, but the work isn't steady enough. Another side note: Am getting sick of being a designer so earned a degree in small engine repair. Who knew that would add more responsibilities? Anyway...I had a huge freelance project that was giving me nothing but bleeding ulcers, because the guy I was doing it for is a complete saint and I wanted it all to end well. I needed to sign off on that job..discretely (because I'm at my "real" job"). Arrange covert meeting at elevator, sign, done. Back to deadline. I get a call from my insurance agent who is in the process of transferring my home owner's insurance and finding me a better deal on health insurance. (I currently pay $600 a month for a family of four. Suggestions? I need them, can't afford this). Have him visit over lunch (15 min) hour and sign. Also manage to register my son online, for baseball this summer. And oops, totally spaced out credit card payment (but don't worry, they HAVE reminded me), make payment on phone (and no I am NOT interested in anything, get off my phone!)

Again, back to deadline.

Four hours after updated deadline, still accepting changes. (Whooooosh! Anyone else feel that deadline fly by? Or was it just me?) Have unfinished business at 5:15, but have to pick up children. So must leave work and start car, and wait...(it's -35º remember? Oil is sludge. God bless you auto-start).

Pick up kids. Big K having an awful day (always does when one particular girl is there, but I know I'm only getting one side of the story...I've seen it before). In the car and home. Phone call from sales rep (why did I give out my cell?). Will have to finish ad in the morning. Okey dokey, have to run an errand for my mom at Hobby Lobby (don't mind this, I love my mom. It's the other people I have trouble with). While at the store, concentrating on item numbers from computer printout from mom, I receive phone call from client of aforementioned sales rep. Need changes and approval tonight. It's her birthday (wish it were my birthday, then I'd get drinks and cake). Attempt to write changes down on any scrap of paper I can find in my purse. Unwrapped a tampon and used that. Disguestting, I know, but you do what you gotta do.

Rush home and fire up the laptop. Long story, short, spent three hours back and forth with birthday girl getting the ad right. She still has to run it through three superiors for approval in the morning. In between phone calls with the client, I managed to send a file to freelance client, call mother of Big K's friend who's having a slumber/birthday party in two days (Big K's first one, so had to warn her why I'm sending a phone number with him and she speaks halted English--challenge!!), cook a waffle for Little Man, interact with the boss via phone one HIS changes need  get those taken care of, remind my hubby of open house tomorrow night for Little Man's school (Pre-K *sniff*) and inform him that he now has to pick up b-day present tomorrow, call my mom to let her know I'm sending her stuff in the mail and tell her I love her (because she's traveling and you just never know). I also checked over Big K's homework...oh, and did I tell you I actually remembered that he needs to bring a ziplock of 100 somethings because it is the 100th day of school on Tuesday, so I bought star-shaped beads?

And now I'm here. Venting. With one drink because I damn-well deserve one. I love wine, but I'll take a Vodka-diet. I'm not picky. Hand me my dang cape.

P.S. Remind me to tell you about the guy who called me at work this afternoon to rant about how receiving direct mail caused him to have his heat shut off, because not only do I design, I answer phone, file, babysit.... May have to post with a lot of swear symbols.

P.P.S. I apologize for excessive use of "...." and "(   )", couldn't help myself.