From Beneath the Couch and Other Terrors

I finally got a quick moment to do some cleaning, and this is what I pulled from underneath couch. Let's analyze, shall we?  First, hurrah, THERE'S the DVD remote! Also there is a used kleenex, the roll scotch tape, two of the bottles I have been frantically searching for to put water in for work, the usual toys and stuffed animals, and a clean (yes clean!) pair of socks. Among the debris, probably the only crayon in the house with a sharp point, various candy wrappers, and a piece of something that I cannot identify. Not too unusual. But a pedicure brush? How did that manage to make it's way from the bathroom to its cozy dark spot under the couch? I know that I certainly haven't had time to use it lately. In fact, I didn't even know it was missing! Lastly, a used pudding cup and spoon, which has obviously been under there long enough to dry, crack and flake. Wonderful. It's a wonder that my kids get sick at all with their robust immune systems having adapted to all the rampant germs in my house. Oh, and ignore the stain right next to the remote that I discovered after removing a dishtowel that was haphazardly thrown over it in a blatant attempt to hide it from mom until it was too late.

For one of those special occasions, my husband bought me a bagless vacuum (and before anyone is up in arms, I actually WANTED one), because my current vacuum SUCKED, or rather, didn't. I thought it would be great to be able to use it at any time without worrying if the bag would explode in a cloud of dust, lint and dog hair and not have a back up bag. The first time I used it, I was amazed at the amount of dirt it pulled up in just a few strokes. I was morbidly fascinated at what had been buried in the nap of my carpet. Now, it irks the hell out of me that I have to make several trips to the garbage to empty the thing. I bang the canister against the side of the trash and the ball of hair snarls and snips at me as it makes its way out. I then must attempt to dislodge the microscopic pieces of dust (which have bonded to become a thick layer on every accordion surface of the filter) and STILL end up fighting my way out of a dust cloud.

Speaking of dust...you know you've been slacking with the Pledge when your kids start writing messages on the base of the TV stand. It's a cry for help.

I should be thankful that this mess was, at least a bit, hidden. My boys are slobs. There's no getting around that. I've let it happen. If their rooms go unchecked for more than a day, the boys feel it is just too overwhelming to clean themselves, so I agree to help. They whine that it's, "too hard" their little limbs becoming unbearably too heavy to move toy to toy box a mere 14" away. Sixty-five seconds into "helping" them, I look around only to realize I am alone in the room and boys are sitting on the sofa watching the latest Johnny Test show. Case in point, Kamrin's room:

I'm pretty sure the hangers were left there by my husband, who keeps his shirts hung in Kamrin's closet. Leave the evidence here, blame the kid later. There's the humidifier, which I have been too lazy to put away. Notice the blanket on the floor, but no comforter on his bed. Why? Because, EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, he drags it into our room, hoists it on the bed, squeezes his body between myself and hubby. The heat from the extra comforter and two adult bodies on either side of him cause him to kick ALL of the blankets off and weight them down with his little chicken legs. I can no longer shield myself from the blasting fan that my husband insists on running at the highest setting. I wake up freezing and beyond the laws of physics, I am unable to dislodge even the tiniest area of blanket from underneath a 35 lb. body.

Next door, we have the older, more advanced version of the bedroom mess, Kaiden's room:

Note, the drawers are never completely closed. I'm guessing the books are strewn about because he was looking for one in particular, found it and then left the scene. What you can't see it the chaotic pile of toys in his closet left from the last time he "cleaned" his room (in a record breaking 7 seconds.) I was proud of this room when I did it. He was a huge fan of Spider Man and I found the posters cheap and framed them myself and did a denim faux wall. But it is anything but inspiring in this state. At least the mess covers the crappy carpet that was here when we moved in and we've never had the money to replace.

As I have mentioned, I've decided to go back to school full-time, attempt to work part-time and get in some studying. When I'll have time to keep up with this is anyone's guess. My plan is to become harsher with demanding the help I need from the boys. I'm sure I'll find a whip hidden under one of the couch cushions.


PS: In his retirement, my dad has decided to try his hand at blogging. If you get a chance, visit and comment at Ideas & Adventures.