This Is Hard Work

As some of you know, I've started working with my husband, who is a handyman. To say this is his busy season is an understatement of gigantic proportions. My thought was this, why work for minimum wage when I can help him push jobs through faster, and thus make more money for the family? Shawn doesn't pay me per sé, but let me tell you, the rewards were unexpected. I was excited to get out from behind the computer and actually do something physical. If I was lucky, maybe I would tone up this ol' sagging bod. After four weeks, I'm exhausted, sore, and unexpectedly...happy.

No, this is not me.

In the style of Jeff Foxworthy's, "You might be a redneck if..." here is my list of, "You know you're actually working hard if..."

• Your jeans are so full of paint, caulking, or wallpaper glue, you can stand them up in the laundry room, only to scare the bejeesus out of you kids when they encounter them in low light.
• Your husband drops you off at the walk-in clinic to receive stitches in your leg from stabbing yourself with the utility knife. He doesn't make fun of you for passing out on the client's boulevard, but expects you back on the job in one hour.
• Your hairstyle choices include: high ponytail, braid, low ponytail.
• You can identify the number of paint jobs you've done by counting the the different splashes on your shirt.
• Your husband says, "Hand me the Dremmel," and you know what he's talking about.
• You have a fabulous tan on your arms, but continue to apply tanning lotion to your legs and feet.
• You blow your nose expelling only dry-wall dust.
• Your positions on a ladder to reach the corners in a kitchen rival only a pole dancer.
• Your 4-year-old asks you if you're a man now.
• You notice every cosmetic flaw in your home, but instead of adding them to the "Honey Do" list, you fix them yourself.
• You really do need a break at 10:30 AM.
• You fall into bed and wake up in the EXACT same position.
• Your weatherman describes the damaging winds and wild thunderstorm overnight, and you had no clue.
• Your doctor asks if you feel safe at home because of the number of bruises and scrapes you're sporting (not to mention stitches).
• You burp and fart where ever the hell you want to.
• You have your own tools, each neatly labeled with the word, "MINE" so your husband doesn't steal them.

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON YOU KNOW YOU ARE WORKING HARD:

You and your husband have something to talk about other than the kids!

Bah-dum-dum.

(bows, bows)